We recently went to our maid Laura’s “lobolo”. After much confusion about what she was inviting us to “I am going to marry my husband, Mum” and consultation from Julia (our HR director) and Filipe (my boss) we finally worked out that we had been invited to a lobolo ceremony, which is a dowry negotiation between a groom and a bride’s family. Marriage is a loose concept in Mozambique; weddings are expensive and sensitive affairs and are often deferred for years and so couples will talk about being married long before they actually are, hence Laura marrying her “husband”.
Lobolos are family affairs and we were the only non-family to attend this one and it felt a real privilege to get this insight into a traditional Mozambican family ceremony. Our preparations involved a lot of discussion about what to wear; should we wear capulana or not capulana? How formal? Eventually – after much consultation with Julia – we dressed more or less how we would for a British summer wedding, albeit Sam had a capulana edged shirt made for the occasion.
I’ve been in Mozambique long enough to expect to be asked to make a speech, so I was pretty pleased with myself that I actually planned what to say in advance and even more or less learnt it on the way in the car. Sadly, we would later discover it would have been useful to also have prepared a song to sing….
We arrived at Laura’s house and maybe 15 people – at least half of them children – were outside preparing tables for a meal, so we introduced ourselves and tried to make ourselves useful. Baby Zoe (Laura’s 7 month old baby named after me) was there and Sam – always the first to steal a baby – soon prised her off the children and Zoe snuggled on Sam’s knee for a nap.
There was no sign of Laura, though, and it turned out that Laura and the closest family members were indoors finalising negotiations. Over the next hour, the place got busy – eventually I think there were about 60-70 people, and there was music and general excitement with the odd burst of signing – I love how Mozambicans just start spontaneously singing and dancing, but I definitely can’t join in!
The girls played with the other children and being the oldest ended up leading lots of games with them; the kids loved being carried around by our girls and a couple later spent much time trying to work out how Imogen’s hair stayed on her head! It was fantastic to see the girls playing so happily with the other kids and joining in their games. Harriett & Imogen both had a fantastic party!
Eventually, we were called to join the close family inside and they were all individually introduced to us and my pre-planned speech came in handy!
Various ceremonies followed which all involved processions around the yard whilst singing and dancing. The main event was Laura leading the group towards the garden entrance and her husband was there at the gate ready to formally arrive. Cue even louder signing and shouting and an exchange of rings and kissing – I’m not quite sure what is left to do at the actual wedding that follows a lobolo (although I also don’t know if they’re going to bother with that part at all)!
Eventually, the bride and groom sat down in their places at the table and began the cake cutting ceremony. The each cut a piece of cake while the crowd signs a song over and over again until they feed each other a mouthful. Then the song changes to one that basically goes “Who will get the first slice? Who will get the first slice? Who will get the second slide?” and so on, whilst they slowly cut more forkfuls of cake to feed to their parents.
The presentation of gifts followed. This was as different from the British low-key leaving of gifts on a table as it could be. Each person went individually to present their gifts to the couple, singing and dancing and extravagantly presenting even the simplest of gifts. Most people gave a capulana, each of which was wrapped around the couple, and Harriett wondered what on earth anyone could do with so many lengths of colourful African cloth! Eventually came Imogen and my turn to give a gift, which was excruciatingly embarrassing! We tried to just hand them over but the crowd demanded a song. In panic, Imogen could only think of Happy Birthday (which I ruled out on the grounds that people would actually know what it was) and Away in a Manger; so a Christmas carol it was!
The rest of the day (and evening) was basically a party with lots of singing and dancing. It was a fantastic afternoon – we had a great time and really enjoyed being taken into Laura’s family event. As has been pointed out to us by a few people, we now have an African family too.
Harriett got away with sneaking in at the end with her capulana gift and managed to dance without needing to sing.
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